Lauren: Your ‘popular music’ piece contained a very interesting argument and I do agree with you. I had a little trouble putting together the last sentence in your introductory paragraph, but the following paragraph explained it well. Your introductory paragraph was very interesting and drew me in and your body paragraph supported your argument (or dual argument). It is difficult for me to take sides too! Just one thing: occasionally throughout your piece you need commas where there are none. Perhaps looking into adding them where pauses are?
Your Manic Monday piece (awesome title by the way) was extremely well-written! I am sooooooo sorry your day was that horrible!!! I definitely understand though, when it rains, it POURS. I love that you wrote about your experience because your exasperation and frustration clearly shine through and the reader knows exactly how you feel/felt! And I understand about your work…I work with many autistic children and they can be quite the handful. When you said he pantsed the shy child I definitely pictured one of my students doing that! (because he so would). Basically I just really enjoyed your piece and I wish we had more prompts that would allow this type of writing because I feel that it had more passion and power behind it than many other pieces we have done. I really like your style and look forward to reading more! Have a better week! J
Jessica – wow! I really like your blog J I think that's the first time I've noticed the blog BEFORE the posts. I REALLY enjoyed your take on feminist sexuality in popular music. It IS the men who create those opinions and I’ve found this occurring in various disciplines and ideas (for example, men are the policy makers regarding many laws that affect primarily women and even reproductive abilities and limitations concerning women!). Your writing style is very concise and your word choice is magnificent! That in itself made the piece more enjoyable. I mostly followed your arguments, but I think I would have liked to see an expansion regarding your second paragraph. You state many ideas and quickly move on to the next (although they are all highly related). One quick thing: I think in your quote in the top second paragraph it should say ‘irredeemably.” Great job!
Your Corporate America piece was very well written, very easy to follow and your tone of excitement-turned-exasperation pervaded every word! It was very short and concise and usually I would say that I would have liked to see more, but I thoroughly enjoyed the piece as a whole (including its succinctness) and I do not think that any additions or changes are necessary. And if your story is true, that really really stinks! Oh, also, I really enjoyed your title! Great job and I look forward to future posts! J
No comments:
Post a Comment